Me and My "Husband of the Year"

In sickness and in health!

My Angel Heidi!! I love her so much!

My first shave at Cruisin' Style one week after mastectomy. I had to look good for my liscense photo.

This blog stuff is great! I look forward to filling it with details of my experiance with breast cancer and lymphedema. As I started to write my first submission I was compelled to go back to the beginning. It is the right time for me to release the passed year of my life and find the deeper healing I still need.

Today I am a survivor! Dr. Johnson said that when I had my last day of radiation I should consider myself healed. If that is the measure then I am healed!! My radiation ended on Thursday and the 4 nurses that treated me daily for 6 weeks had a ceremony. They all gathered around me, read a poem about the battle we just fought and then I rang a bell three times to call an end to my journey in treatment. I cried tears of I don't know what. But they were just the right kind for that moment.

Since then I have been struggling to get back to normal. I now take tamoxifin as the third assault on the cancer. Like radiation this will help my chances of not getting breast cancer again. It upsets my stomache though and I am hoping I get used to it. It is in these first days of life again, I have realized I have a lot to say.

So...back to the begining of this posting. I will be keeping a journal of sorts on this blog and invite you to check it out if you desire. It became obvious as I started to write my first installment today that I had to start at the begining. It is quite a story.

The Journey Begins

Today could have been a year from the day I found the tumor in my breast - I don't know exactly what date I found it, but I knew from that day on my life would never be the same.

My husband Steve and I had just closed on our dream home. For any of you who remember our old place you know that we needed a basement, attic, garage, and driveway. What we wanted was all that plus a rancher on at least one acre, that felt like home. (A stream would have been nice too.) Just hours before we bid on a home that was the complete opposite of what we wanted we were shown 110 Cemetery Road. A rancher with all our needs and it was a good price on foreclosure. It sat on 1.33 acres and had been in neglect for many years. It was definatly in need of our touch and guess what else.....it had a stream. Home. It felt like home. It was going to be a lot of work, but Steve and I could start (again) to move forward and build our lives together. After all were young and healthy.

The beginning of 2004 was full of ups and downs - we finally moved in on July 26th. About a week later it came to me that I hadn't done a breast exam in a while. In that instant I put my left hand on the top of my right breast and felt it. A large lump that was very hard. I thought "What is that? I've never felt a cyst before. Is that what a cyst feels like?" My trusty intuition.....my soul told me then that it was breast cancer.

"Oh my God! I have no health insurance."

It took me a week to tell anyone other than my husband. I went to my dearest friend Heidi's farm. I could tell by the way the light changed in her eyes when she felt it....She too thought it was breast cancer. Her mother had died a few years back from it. We embraced in tears. I needed to know she would be there for me every step of the way....I didn't even have to ask. My nearest and dearest friends came to us with open arms of love and support. With everyone else - some family, some aquaintances and strangers I played the "It's Probably Just a Cyst" game. It made them feel more comfortable.

It is now the end of September. The lump, is getting bigger. I don't touch it much because that reminds me that it is still there not being looked at by a doctor. Sometimes it hurts and I'll put my hand over it and think....."No matter how bad it is, I Will Survive."

I am waiting until health insurance is available. My buddy Virginia (more on her later) told me I could get a free mamogram in October in celebration of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I decided if I didn't get insurance before October ends I'd go get a free mamogram. I was afraid.....Would a diagnosis with no insurance be considered a pre-existing condition? I continued with my daily mantra "Health insurance will come. Health insurance will come."

It's October 20th - I give in and make calls to get the free test. All the slots in the 7 places I phoned were filled. I could not get the test done for free. "That's just great!! Now what do I do?" Even if I get a job with insurance I will have to wait the 90 day probationary period to activate it. AAGGGHHHH! I felt a little stressed - No.......A LOT stressed and decided to go get a beer.

I went out and happened to run into one of the most toxic people in my life. "Yikes - why him and WHY NOW?" Our friendship had ended over 1 1/2 years ago and I didn't want to deal with him let alone share what was happening. I could not avoid him so I said "Hello". He introduced me to his friends. The woman to his left put her hand out and told me her name was Jane. My response was" Hi, Jane. I'm Looking For Health Insurance." She asked, experience in retail. Maybe there is a God! She agreed to employ me with health insurance as my salary. Three days later I went to work for Jane. She activated my insurance as soon as possible and it was the best anyone could get!!

Thank you Jane - YOU SAVED MY LIFE